Last Saturday I was at Linux Day, giving a talk about alternatives to Linux, drawing on thirty years of experience. After many years, I met Renzo Davoli again and we had a chat. I felt that old spirit come back. Back home, I kept thinking about that period, about those days. About FreeOSZoo, which I ran with so much passion - the same passion I put into BSD Cafe and illumos Cafe today. And I felt the urge to look back, digging through old emails and old photos. Old texts that could bring old memories back to the surface. Time, as we know, smooths the edges and softens the wrong notes. Until I found this photo. That day.

Bologna, 23 November 2003

I’ve just come back from my parents’ place, after a weekend with the family. The train journey was quiet enough, but as usual I stink of the train. I’ll take a shower as soon as I can. One of my flatmates is in the bathroom, getting ready for his guests. I’m not in a hurry. Ugh, though. I won’t get a moment of peace tonight either, and tomorrow morning I have to be at university pretty early.

The room is a mess. As always. Will I ever be even a little tidier? No way. Everything on my computer is obsessively organised. Outside, it looks like a bomb went off in the middle of the room. It’s always been like this.

Graduation is less than a month away. I would have postponed it by a few months. No, I couldn’t. I’ll be penalised, I already know that. Renzo warned me and suggested moving it to March, but I can’t. I wish I could. Sooner or later, these dynamics will end too. I’ll prove it, and I’ll have the life I want. Sooner or later, I’ll decide for myself. Sooner or later, no more “everyone else is so good because they study all day, while you...” - said by people who have never lived this life, by people who don’t understand that what matters isn’t the time spent on books, but the results. And that maybe, as soon as their parents turn around, those others get distracted. Never mind, I’ll never get through to them. But this is the last time I let it get to me, dammit!

Let’s hope the damage is limited. That professor on the committee can’t stand me. “You Linux people.” For him only Microsoft matters, and Open Source is the enemy. There’s nothing I can do about it. I could avoid him three months later - he’ll be in Redmond, not on the committee being a pain in the ass! But no, I’ll have to face him, because of the stupid fixations of people who know nothing about how university works. Last time.

Meanwhile, I have to think about what comes next. I like it at school. My students are interested and we get along well, but becoming a permanent teacher would mean other paths and other specific studies. And, all things considered, maybe I like managing Linux and *BSD machines more. By the way, where did I put the FreeBSD Handbook? No idea. Worst case, I’ll print it again. In the end, that’s what that printer is for :-)

The bed, as always, is a mess. The one next to it, too. There’s my spare phone, the Nokia 7110, the remote control, a towel (clean or dirty? I’ll sniff it later), the box of the iMac keyboard and mouse. Why did I leave it there for two years instead of putting it in the wardrobe? Same old messy me. The TuttoCittà street map is old, maybe there’s a newer one somewhere in the flat, but at least this one is mine. Streets don’t change that often anyway. I also need to change that blanket. It must be full of dust, and by now it’s dirty from the train too. I’ll sort that out as well.

What will happen after graduation? Will I stay here for a long time, or will I leave? If I start working, I’ll need to move around, and parking here is a nightmare. The scooter is handy, but if I start travelling I’ll have to keep a car here. We’ll see. How late will they be making noise in the kitchen tonight? Will I manage to sleep before 2, with the alarm set for 6? Maybe this kind of life won’t be for me anymore, once I’ve graduated and I’m working.

Maybe I’ll have to leave this room, this house, this life. My flatmates. My habits. And where will I go? With whom? Am I ready?

Now I’ll turn on my computer and connect to the Internet to download my mail. I’m waiting for two important emails, and today the Nokia 7650 won’t connect over GPRS.

I should tidy up the stuff on that bed. Maybe tomorrow. Not today, I don’t feel like it. Tonight I’ll watch the Simpsons episodes I recorded last week, hoping the tape didn’t run out first. I set it to EP, I think there was enough room. For dinner I’ll eat something I left in the fridge - if it’s still there, of course. I don’t feel like going shopping, or hanging around with my flatmate’s guests. I need to compile and test the latest QEMU changes on my laptop. I still need to make a few final edits to my thesis. And tomorrow morning, a rush to university.

The room is a mess and could probably do with a proper clean. It doesn’t stink, but it smells stuffy. I should open the window, but outside it’s foggy, drizzling and cold. But I’m fine, here. Everything is normal, here. I take a few photos of the room, just as it is today - and as it was yesterday, and a year ago - because maybe, one day, I’ll enjoy looking at them again.

The bathroom is free. I rush to take a shower before someone else gets there. This train stink will be hard to wash off. This, on the other hand, I won’t miss.

Ferrara, 27 October 2026

I still have that towel, a bit faded. The iMac keyboard and mouse box has followed me through three different homes, and now sits on top of a cabinet, right behind me. In other words, it’s still out of place, just as it was back then. Don’t ask me why. The Nokia 7110 is at my parents’ house, the 7650 in the cupboard right behind me. It still turns on, but inside there are memories of another life. The Sony TV went to the dump years ago, sadly, but the VCR is still here, switched off for a long time now. The FreeBSD Handbook did turn up, back in 2003. I don’t remember how, but I know I still have it. It came here with the last move. So it’s here, somewhere. I don’t know where, but I know it’s here, and that’s enough. To find Renzo, on the other hand, all it took was going to a Linux Day. Where, still today, he’s in his element: among young people, thirsty to learn something new and different.

And when I look at those photos and think back to that room, I wouldn’t want to be that young man again. Or, who knows, maybe for a day. For a Sunday afternoon like that one. With all those dreams and hopes, that sense of peace, that euphoria. But also with the stuffy smell, with my flatmates’ guests making noise, with the room looking like a battlefield. I’d like to sit next to that young man and talk to him. He probably wouldn’t listen, but I’d tell him to keep going, just as he always had. That yes, he’d be penalised for not waiting until March, but no, it wouldn’t change anything. That those “Linux people” would turn out to be right. And that, in the end, he should simply enjoy that moment.

Even with all that mess.