My Way
"And now, the end is near And so I face the final curtain..."
Well, let's hope not. But I've lived long enough to have understood some things. Things that, luckily, I managed to understand before it was too late. But just a moment ago, by chance, I heard this melody in the distance. And my mind began to wander...
I suppose someone reading this will think it's too long for modern attention spans. Too reflective, too winding. That I should make it more "digestible", more optimized for quick consumption. How curious, though – writing about the importance of staying true to yourself, only to have it judged by the standards of what "works" online. Perhaps that's precisely the point I'm trying to make.
Recently, I heard news about someone I've known for years but with whom I've had virtually no contact for quite a while. I'm sorry because they were a nice person, but lately, they seem hard to reach. Speaking with mutual acquaintances, I found out this person isn't at peace, and it saddens me. But the root of this is that they're living a life different from the one they, deep down, would have wanted. A life made of deadlines, like a checklist, because the society they live in expected this. None of these things, ultimately, will ever make this person happy. But they must do them, due to social convention. And this is common among many people I know.
"Regrets, I've had a few But then again, too few to mention"
There was a time in my life when I ran the same risk. For years, I felt strange because I didn't behave as society, conventions, and friends wanted me to. As I should have been. Instead, I persisted in being who I wanted to be. But it was tough, at times almost impossible. Compromises were made, of course, but without betraying my essence. Until I understood that I wasn't the "strange" one. I just wanted to be myself, but for many, that precisely means "strangeness". For years, I had little contact with old friends and my places of origin because I wanted to be myself and measure myself by who I was, not by others' ambitions. And I loved that life, and it's the life I still carry with me today. By sharpening my gaze, broadening my horizons, expanding my views and positions, I was able to find a world where I wasn't strange; I was just myself. Because if I'm not passionate about football, despite being an "Italian male", and therefore don't follow it, it doesn't mean I'm strange; it means I'm honest. And this is just the most trivial example that comes to mind.
"I've loved, I've laughed and cried I've had my fill, my share of losing"
No, it wasn't easy at all. I only understand that now, and I had to give up so much. I'll carry many of the scars from all this for life, just as I still sometimes pay the consequences. Especially in the words and actions of people who didn't do this, who didn't have the courage to do it. Trapped in a life not their own, but one written in the book of traditions. In the book of what they must do, not what they want to do. But it brought me what I have today, to do what I do today, to be who I am today. My wife, my work, my life are all positive consequences of this, and of the people who, even without understanding, supported me. Waking up every morning with the positivity to face a day that I already know will be full of things I love to do. And I do them my way. My way.
"For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught"
There was truly a moment when I had nothing. They called me crazy because I wanted to work for myself. I'd look at the silent phone and worry about the bills coming in. I had to pay taxes and, out of pride, I went to paint walls to earn the money to pay them. They told me it wasn't right to make servers stable because it reduced revenue. But I don't know how to (knowingly) do something that could harm those who trust me. And yet - I remember – I never doubted my choices. I was strange, perhaps, but I knew what I wanted.
"Yes, it was my way"
My way. Because my life is mine, and I don't like to fool anyone, least of all myself.
And as I write, I'm listening to this wonderful song, one of my favorites. And a very distant memory, across space and time, surfaces in my mind. And memories re-emerge, emotions return vividly, because music, scents, and flavors possess this immense power to collapse time, to faithfully transport us back to a distant life. Towards a moment and a world far away, yet always near because, in its evolution, it is part of us. And it is precisely tied to a brief moment, a fragment of this music, yet rendered eternal - though unrepeatable - by its poetry, its energy, and that very instant. This too, born from my choices, which, right or wrong, will always serve to remind me that my decisions, good or bad, will have been MINE.
And I will have lived my way.